the flu

Okay, so I've got to be one of the worst sicklings ever. I've been in bed with the flu since Sunday and I'm going absolutely crazy. I'm still running a fever, coughing up a lung, having problems breathing - and yet, I'm bored out of my mind.

I go to Facebook to kill some time until I can fall back asleep. What happens? All those lovely "mothers" I'm blessed to have in my life shut me out. "Go back to bed!" "Off the internet!" "Go rest!" Okay, I get the point, but my goodness... I can only rest so much! (I really appreciate your love though!)

I tried to work on lines for Godspell. This is by far the most productive thing I've done in days. I made it through all my lines once, before my mind started wondering. (Thanks to the steroids!) Who knows if I'll remember anything I studied?

So I decided to play games online. I love word games (real geek, I know!). Bookworm is my fave! (Try it sometime, you'll see!) After about an hour...same scenario. Boredom!

About the only thing I'm doing well right now is eating (again, thanks steroids!) and sleeping. Oh, restoration can't come soon enough!

I was blessed by a sweet parishioner (Kate Hasse) who dropped by with a huge care package for us. She's a nurse practitioner and really knows best what we need (hand sanitizer, tissues, soup, crackers, jello, ginger ale, Tylenol, cough drops). What a sweetie!

Several others have called and emailed, too.

Okay, if you are still reading this, you are a really dedicated friend. Either that, or you are just as bored as I am! :)

Enough randomness for now! I've got the munchies. (Thanks, steroids!)

home

Well, I made it home this afternoon at about 2:30. It was a long and dreary drive complete with rain, fog, mist, and even a bit of snow. Getting out of Pittsburgh was...well, interesting. Whoever designed those city streets had to have had a very twisted mind!

Though I'm home, I think part of me is still away. I'm just kind of out of it. Coming back to the reality of home and family and church life after such amazing times away is always difficult for me. I guess it's my "inner monk" fighting for more time apart. :)

The kids were so happy to see me. Belle just latched hold of me, very quickly defending her messy room by saying, "I'm still working on it." Markus grabbed my neck and held me for quite a while. He kept saying, "Daddy! Daddy!" Even being away from the kids for a couple of days is rough. Markus seems to change and grow each day. Belle is all too quickly becoming a young lady. I can't imagine life without them. As I sat at the dining room table catching up on some emails and Tara sat in the recliner nursing her respiratory infection, Belle and Markus wrestled, snuggled, laughed, and played. That's when I realized that, yes, I'm home.

OSL Retreat

Well, the official learning and worship of The Order has concluded. Worship was tremendous - high church worship at its absolute best! Smells and bells, chant and silence, baptismal remembrance and Eucharist. (By the way, "Eucharist" is a word which means "Thanksgiving" and is another name for Holy Communion.) Sr. Heather Murray Elkins' presentations were outstanding as always and left me yearning to return to the academic world to do a PhD. Someday perhaps...

The Council of the Order reconvened after lunch to finish our business for this event. Business is not always the most interesting matter, but within the Order, even our business is conducted prayerfully and in light of our covenant as brothers and sisters in Christ. Someone once dubbed this prayerful business "worshipful work." The only tasks which remain are dinner and fellowship tonight and breakfast and closing Eucharist for the Council tomorrow.

I was talking with one member of the Order the other night during a pilgrimage to a local eatery. I shared with him that there is this part of me that wishes that I could be a monk. I say it half-joking, of course. After all, how many monks have you met who are married with two children? Or are as young as I? Or wear an earring and play Nintendo Wii and think sandals are a year round option?

All jokes and oddities aside, there is a part of me that longs to live more fully into the reality of ordered religious life. Every time I am blessed to be with the Order, I have this same longing. In other words, I'm never ready for retreat to be over. I'm never ready to go back into a life of diaspora (life apart). If only we could all be together, praying and chanting and communing, all the time... But the beauty of the baptismal covenant is that all Christians ARE bound together in this way. We are one! Yes, we are apart geographically. Yes, we are different in many ways. But still, we are one because we join our voices together in proclamation: Christ has died, Christ has risen, Christ will come again.

Starting OSL Retreat

PITTSBURGH, PA

I arrived in Pittsburgh at about 8 pm. Though it was about three hours later than I had hoped to be here, I still joined up with my best friend Paula and several other OSLers. We ate at a great little restaurant on East Carson Street; the name was Pittsburgh Steak Company, I think.

Nonetheless, the drive over was great. I enjoyed two 45 minutes lectures on C.S. Lewis and then switched to some Josh Groban music. As I drove up I-77 and across I-70, the leaves dazzled in the evening sun. Compared to back home, the leaves up here have really changed. Just as I drove into Wheeling, I looked in my rearview mirror for a magnificent blazing autumn sunset. Streams of pink and lavender stretched across the sky behind me, from the mountains on my right to the mountains on my left. Stunning!

The drive into Pittsburgh was interesting. I'm definitely not a city boy. All this traffic and noise is too much to deal with. I like visiting the city from time to time, but there is no place like home! With exception of the hounds barking behind the house, I imagine that all is quiet there in Lubeck tonight.

Right now, I'm getting ready for bed. My room at St. Paul of the Cross Retreat Center and Monastery is simple: a twin bed, a little chair, a luggage rack, and a sink. How these monks live in such humble (and tiny) quarters all the time is beyond me! But what devotion they must have to lead this simple life.

In typical Roman Catholic style, there is a huge crucifix hanging across from my bed, too. It's kind of freaking me out a bit (particularly the plaque that's attached right to the front of it so that everyone can see who donated it!). I'm so glad we Protestants took Jesus off our crosses a long time ago! If I had to look at a crucifix each and every morning when I woke up, I wonder if I would forget that Jesus is actually alive? It's good to remember that he suffered and died for the sins of the world, but without the resurrection, we've only got part of the story.

Well, enough of my randomness for tonight! I must get rested up for the next few days of fellowship, learning, and worship.

Joy, people!

Okay, so let me vent about something. I was in a meeting very recently with "churchy" people. There was this guy there who I've been in gatherings with before. And this guy appears to be the most miserable, uptight person I've ever met. He looks angry and grumpy and not nice. I have experienced first hand how his looks mirror his actions, too. Even when I have shook his hand and smiled a big cheesy smile, he still keeps his grumpy face on.

I just don't get it. Sure people have bad days. I know I do. But everyday? NO!

I think one of the most missing aspects of Christianity today is joy. As I read the Bible and hear the stories of Jesus and his disciples, I think that these folks were really cool, joy-filled people. I can't imagine them sitting around being grumpy all the time, or frowning all the time. They would have been a pretty joyous bunch, I think. Joy defined their existence!!!

Shouldn't joy define ours, too? So, listen up all you grumpy, uptight people who claim the name of Jesus Christ: JOY UP!

Blue Like Jazz

So this week I finally got around to reading Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. Yes, I'm a few years behind, but I finally go to it. I ordered it from half.com during Pastor's School.

As I started reading, I wasn't sure I was going to like it. His style is, well, different than most spirituality books I've read. For one, he writes very casually and pretty much writes as (presumably) he would talk. For someone like me with a case of ADHD, Donald Miller is breath of fresh air. It appears that he writes his random thought streams as they come to him. (In other words, he writes like I think - a bit scattered!).

Once I got into to the book, I couldn't put it down. He writes about the essentials of faith using real life illustrations and experiences in a funny, raw, humble, earthy way. Like many in my generation, Miller is not so sure about all the junk that goes along with "organized religion." (You know, the junk like bureaucracy, politics, bigotry, discrimination, self-righteousness, etc.) I like the way he doesn't beat around the bush about it. I wish I would be more brave and authentic about what bothers me about "church" world.

Nonetheless, if you want a refreshing and easy read that speaks volumes about Christian spirituality using nonreligious themes and narrative prose, then this is a book you want to read! But be warned: if you are easily offended by progressive ideas, you will be challenged and changed (but read it anyway because it will be good for you)!

Here's a quote that I especially love:

“I was watching BET one night, and they were interviewing a man about jazz music. He said jazz music was invented by the first generation out of slavery. I thought that was beautiful because, while it is music, it is very hard to put on paper; it is so much more a language of the souul… The first generation out of slavery invented jazz music. It is a music birthed out of freedom. And that is the closest thing I know to Christian spirituality . A music birthed out of freedom. Everybody sings their song the way they feel it, everybody closes their eyes and lifts up their hands.”

starting a blog

Okay. So I'm a bit behind my generation on starting this whole blog thing. I've tried other online journals and blogs before, but it just never worked. Yes, I like the feel of a real journal, the way the pages look (narrow ruled, wide margins, ivory paper, etc.). I like the feeling of a nice pen in my hand, with my choice of writing instrument varying with the mood of each day. Yep, I'm a book nerd trying to merge into the internet world. So, this is my humble attempt to do just that. Wish me luck!!!